I didn’t want to start this blog. I didn’t want to be known as “The girl who…” and I didn’t know what else to talk about because the managing the ongoing fallout consumed me. My story scared people.
But it was past. It was over. Why would I want to rehash it? In public? I don’t remember it being so great the first time around.
Working with my yoga students, we talk about being ok with this moment and the next and the next, not reaching backwards or forwards. We don’t forget the past, but it’s gone, folks. It’s done. And the future? The future is just an idea. We live now. The only way I made it through the past two years is by reminding myself of that over and over again. No matter what happened: the past recedes (thankfully), the future is out of reach, just deal with this second. Only right now do I have a choice, no matter how very very small personal or hidden. It mattered then, and it matters now.
It worked and because of that I have something to say, which is that it works. If my past is going to define me to any degree let it be by who I choose to become and how I choose to behave now. Thinking about it this way then gives me something to write about…now.